How Do You Manage
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Siblings of an autistic child have it tough. Their brother or sister with autism can seem to get all of the attention and resources of the family. They may be embarrassed about their autistic sibling. They may even be hurt by their autistic brother or sister. Other kids may tease them or leave them out of activities.
Conversely, the autistic child may be jealous of their neurotypical siblings and their abilities. They may not understand why their siblings are able to do things that are difficult for them.
Often, the neurotypical child is proud to show additional responsibility by helping their autistic sibling. They may also be very protective of them. They may even excel at teaching skills. Naturally, these character traits should be strongly encouraged.
Life can be rather challenging and interesting when two children are on the autism spectrum, and neither has much social and communication skills. They will have problems understanding each other resulting in frustration and often aggression.
So, where do you get great advice about children with autism and siblings?
I was extremely blessed by the terrific book, “Siblings Without Rivalry” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I learned some wonderful techniques about how to respond to siblings in order to reduce the potential for conflict. The advice in this book helped to prevent a lot of problems in our family.
Harold and Sarah Mally are siblings who have created an excellent book about making brothers and sisters best friends. Of course, the name of the book is “Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends.” This Christian book has plenty of scriptural references.
I believe that it is important to explain autism to your neurotypical child and your autistic child. Direct your comments to the developmental level of your children with autism and siblings. You will need to repeat this information often and in various ways over time.
I also suggest that you spend some private time with each of your children during the week. You should occasionally divide the siblings between parents, grandparents, and friends so that the siblings are not always together.
You will need to help your neurotypical child learn specific skills to use with their autistic siblings which will help them develop a closer relationship. They can make sure they use simple instructions and explain clearly when playing. Also, they can learn to praise often. In turn, your autistic child will gradually learn similar skills.
For example, my neurotypical daughter has been instrumental in helping her sister with PDD-NOS and her brother with Asperger's Syndrome learn to behave properly and to learn appropriate social and communication skills. In many ways, she has been a better teacher for her siblings with autism than we parents ever could have been!
The best tip is to remember that our children are blessings from God. They were placed in our care in our particular family so that the entire family would learn valuable lessons. The child with autism and siblings can love and appreciate each other.
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